Happy Birthday from a well intentioned daughter :-)

Mom, I thought I would stop by and make you some blueberry muffins for a treat when you got home. 

I brought a box of muffin mix from my house. Well- it looks like Ethan (2.5 yr old) opened the box -no biggie- And you are out of milk -okay- So out of desperation I watered down some 1/2 & 1/2. 

Well I discovered the blueberries were missing -great- No problem, I'll make a quick topping. The only Items I could find were butter, brown sugar and vanilla -

Baking- 

So the muffins inflated more than I expected causing the melted butter and sugar to caramelize and burn in your oven (that is what you are smelling). 

In conclusion, enjoy the muffins and Happy Birthday. 

PS. I can come back tomorrow the clean the oven.

Being tedious

No one wants to hear how busy you are. 

I'm busy, you're busy... this is not news. 

Sadly I notice the busier I get, the more I'm inclined to inform 

the public at large. {As if they can do something about it?}

I've come to the conclusion that bringing it up constantly is a bit like bragging.
I'm busy so you must not be? I'm busy so you must be slacking? 

Laundry? Shopping? Family? Friends? Work?

Too busy. busy. busy. busy. busy.

So if I'm too busy for everything, maybe I'm not really all that busy at all.
Maybe this is just the speed of life now?

"Lady Quiets"

Yea, yea, yea... I've heard it all before :-) 

After having me as an overnight guest several times now, I guess I shouldn't 

have been surprised when my daughter brought the earplugs out on a recent visit. 

(Oops, I mean the "lady quiets") 

But if she thinks I'm noisy at night, wait till I shut the cat in the room with her!

Let's not spell it out.

I admit it. I enjoy eating lunch out. And Mexican cuisine is among my faves.

Chili Colorado, Carnitas Tacos, Albondigas Soup, Potato & Pea Enchilada... obviously I could go on and on. Rarely do I even look at a menu.

Oh but if only I had kept it that way :-0

There are just some words that should NEVER appear on a menu!

Color me neglectful :-0

I know, I know. It's absurd to agonize over head-butting, kneading and the very worst... purring. Constant, incessant, sleep depriving purring.

Believe me this little rescued kitty (5 yrs ago) has more than rescued me. Gave me a good solid excuse for those things I hear go bump in the night. Valiantly hunted and took down moths and spiders on my back porch and provided multiple opportunities for me to discover for myself the best carpet spot remover.

And if he is a tad wakeful around 3 or 4 or 5 in the morning then that's just the cat in him, right? His bowl is empty, he's thirsty, his twirly toy flipped over, he's bored. All valid reasons. But wakeful because he just wants to purr?

Good grief he could be marketed as white noise for government agencies. Get your motor running is his theme song. The bed actually vibrates with the force of his contentment. And if by some miracle that doesn't rouse me then there's always kneading.

A sign of affection, of contentment. The vet says he'll stop after awhile, it makes him happy. (Yes I have discussed this with the vet and yes she looked at me a little odd.) But it makes me crazy and a while can continue into hour two. I know, I've tested. You'd think his little paws would ache (I know my side/arm/neck does).

My bad. The flash woke him. I just feel awful!!!

So tonight I'm going to take out the laser and have him run loops through the hall, stairs and kitchen. Then open the back door for an early evening slot of birdwatching topped off by a sprinkle of catnip on that twirly toy.

Maybe tonight I'll just hear snoring.

A morning without coffee is like sleep.

I am a collector of phrases. Little word episodes that bring to mind a particular feeling, a moment of humor or just some general quirkiness. Granted there are many phrases that get overused to the point 
of ridicule... but the others are just fun to read/hear.


But what do you do with a collection of words? Injecting them into daily conversation is just plain odd. Only I do like to share them as you would a joke or that silly story about some eccentric relative.


So I came up with coffee sleeves. An unexpected venue for random thoughts.  

The Flight {or sitting next to Mr. Techy}

I did as instructed, got to the airport an hour (ok, 45 minutes) early. I looked at the group ahead
and thought not bad, I can see the screeners. Then I scanned to the right and saw the rest of the
line of eager travelers snaking down an area the length of a small shopping mall. I boarded with
ten minutes to spare.

Upon getting settled in my seat I looked up to see a man with a carry-on the size of a small child
making his way down the aisle. Now I don't fly much, but even I know this is a potential problem
and it's headed my way.

After he took the seat opposite me I scoped him out while he gestured to the attendant to "do something" with his bag. He then proceeded to adjust his bluetooth headset, add some noise
canceling headphones, check his smart phone, hook up his MP3 player and ease his seat back.
Use your imagination as to how long it took Mr. Techy to "power off" all electronic devices.

Next came three hipsters, each one earnestly immersed in staring at their phone. I was not the only
one who snickered when the gal in the middle got her purse strap caught on an armrest and harshly yanked back to the real world.

When the pilot introduced himself it took him a couple minutes to remember the name of the co-pilot.
This made sense later when it took him three tries/bumps to lift off the field. What was it that mom
used to say... practice, practice, practice? I was REALLY looking forward to the landing at that point.

After this sterling take off, the worlds tallest man (who happened to be sitting in front of me), decided
to stretch out. I don't care what you say, those seat backs move a lot closer to you when a guy is
bracing his hands and feet as if it is the only way to keep the plane in the air.

The flight progressed and I noticed my seat mate to the left watching a movie on her 15" laptop
while on my right a guy is gaming on his Kindle Fire. Not to be outdone I proceeded to pull out my
iPod Classic and watch "Mr. Monk Buys a House" on my 2" screen.

As we approached Denver we were notified that there was a "little" turbulence and the landing may be a bit rough but not to worry. (This from the practice, practice practice pilot.) Captain Fun made a series of acute turns that easily put the wings perpendicular to the ground. I thought he was going to execute a full barrel roll for a minute, but apparently he thought better of it and settled for some serious fishtailing upon landing.

As I exited the cabin I noticed it was taking two attendants to help the worlds tallest man unclench his hands from the armrests. And I couldn't help but smile as Mr. Techy tried to find where on earth they had jammed his carry-on.

Survival of the fittest has found it's place in air travel.

Neither rain nor snow nor tape dispenser...

I love going to the post office, entering an actual building to send a message instead of 
just hitting ]ENTER[.

And one of the most entertaining places you can be is in line at the Post Office on a Saturday morning.

The line was out the door and snaking into the lobby when I got there. You could hear grumbling, but what caught my ear was the high pitched "oh my goodness" "oh golly" "whoa nellie". 

Peering through the door I could see an elderly woman trying to attach a label on a rather large carton. Folding down the flaps was more aerobic than her frail frame could take. I could sense trouble when I saw her endeavor to lift the industrial size tape gun (upside down) that they had loaned her at 

the window.

I tried to push forward to help, only to be met with "hey, no cutting". As I pointed through the crowd 

toward the woman heads turned like a Rockettes chorus line. The person closest reached out just as the woman pulled out the first strip of tape, deftly fastening her hand to the carton top. Vainly she tried to pull her hand out of the sticky mess only to have the kid next to her (Mr. no cutting) reach out and in helping get his coat sleeve taped.

He looked at the guy next to him for help, who promptly shrugged, stepped up and took the young guy's place in line.

Enough already. As the rest of the crowd surged forward to offer assistance you could hear a voice from the lobby query, "Grandma, are you mailing something?"

Oh good, the calvary. 

Everyone relaxed and stepped aside to let her grandson through. 

Instead, with a whoosh... he slid his package across the floor towards grandma, shouted "I gotta go to work," and left.

That's when teamwork kicked in. Two guys unwrapped grandma's hands. A lady re-taped the flaps and the guy that cut ahead to the window placed her package on the scale. I never saw what happened to her grandson's package.

Post office camaraderie at it's best.

I punched Santa today...

And I am still fired up about it! I turned into an aisle at the hardware store only to sense a large man, 
feel a hand on my arm and hear a leering heh, heh, heh.


I did what any sane woman would do.
I punched him.


A clerk came rushing up the aisle... to assist me? Not this time. As my racing heart slowed both our eyes looked down at my attacker who was now laying across some pricey new LED light strings.


My punch had decked a life-size Santa animatronic. Apparently he was programmed to do The Twist 
and say HO, HO, HO. 


I walked away humming "I am Woman" while the clerk muttered something about crazy shoppers.


Take that, Santa. My holiday spirit is back in full swing!

Is That A Needle?

I am way too old to be chased around the exam room by a nurse with a needle. 


I can laugh with the best of them when regaled with stories of teenage girls hiding under their coats 
or how they had to drag the star athlete out from under the desk by their foot to give college-bound immunizations.


But I gotta say, when the doctor told me a shot would help me get over a sinus infection my immediate response was, "with a needle?"


Now I know where the phrase "slap them silly" began. That is exactly what I wanted to do when I looked over to see the doctor and nurse trying hard to keep straight faces.


It took all my "adultness" to, oh so casually, stand and offer the requested part of my anatomy. 
I waited and waited after she swabbed my skin and then finally belted out "Just do it already!" 


Looking over my shoulder I saw them snickering. It was already done. And I had just become the latest exam room comedy sketch.


Okay... next time they can just chase me.

Sunday Mornings At the Diner

Sunday mornings often find me reading the paper at a local diner. I get there early so I can dally over my coffee and not feel guilty about taking up the booth for an hour or so. 


I am not alone in this Sunday morning ritual. There is one couple in particular I find my eyes wandering to. Last week I looked up to see them crossing the room. He stayed right beside her and helped her ease into a nearby booth.


"Would you like some coffee?" the waitress asks. 
"Yes, with cream," she replies.
"None for me," he says.


Then there's some hand holding and smiling going on across the table. 
Clearly they only have eyes for each other.


The coffee comes and he slides it to the center of the table.
She empties in the sugar and he pours in the cream.


It sits there between them, that steaming cup of coffee. 
Finally he takes a small sip, nods and places it back between them. 
She takes a sip, smiles and they talk while drinking the coffee.


The teamwork continues when they leave. 
She rises first and places his walker in front of him then steadies his elbow as he gets up.


They don't need a Sunday morning paper, they so completely have each other. 

Thigh Pad

Been looking for a new ribbon for my Thigh Pad.

{Remington Streamline Portable Typewriter}

Maybe I'm sliding backwards? Isn't there supposed to be a whole "smart" era going on right now? 

But I feel myself inexplicably drawn to objects that just do one thing.

No search, no apps, no music, no camera.

No software to install and then update over and over.


Remember your first computer? (Mine had a 500 mb hard drive and I thought the storage was endless?) 
But right away I added a program that made every keystroke sound like you were striking a typewriter key 
and hitting the return rang a bell because I simply couldn't get into the rhythm of typing in quiet. I missed the noise. 


So yea, maybe it's the the "steam punk" in me but objects that just do one thing are so cool. 
They're simple, no box of attachments to store or boring manuals to read. 
Simple is getting harder and harder to find.

My stand mixer can whip up icing, knead bread and make pasta. My mower bags, mulches or does side-discharge. My phone, well my phone is only a semi-smart but it can still call, text, game and play music. 

All this can make decision time pretty difficult. What to own, which to buy, how to use.

The Remington chooses for me. On those days when I am overwhelmed it lets me just write. 

It puts down words and ideas that come from me... just words at the speed of thought. 

No spell check so by golly I CAN make use of that "A" in my 5th grade spelling.

Now if I can just find that new ribbon...

Surgical Strike of Purging Unused Items!

[AKA - hauling stuff off to Goodwill]

[AKA - posting it on Craig's List]

I've come to the conclusion I either need more bins or less stuff. And after watching the 

"Hoarders; Buried Alive" marathon last weekend, I am opting for less stuff.

I watch those shows like some people watch slasher movies. Hands over my eyes moaning 

"NO, NO, NO... Don't look in the shed!"

Not that my stuff comes anywhere close to what's on the show. Plus my house isn't overrun 

by hundreds of mice/bugs/cats/etc. So why does it bother me?

Because it drives me crazy to know I have something I need and not be able to put 

my hands on it. Or decide to work on a project and the space is totally unusable.

Last year I completely tore up my basement due to plumbing problems. One thing leads 

to another and now what was once an organized, useful, fun to be in art studio morphed 

into several dozen bins of every shape and size taking up residence in half of my garage 

and a grouping of work tables and files jammed along one wall.

Argghhhh! 

Now when I watch "Hoaders" that little slip of fear creeps in that whispers, 

"Is this how they started?" 

So any bets on what I'm doing this fall? 

Yep, you guessed it. 

Sugar Rush

Growing up there was always sweet tea. We never called it that because with parents who hailed from 
The South, there was no other kind but sweet.


I loved it when my folks would have guests over. Like a good little hostess I would offer iced tea, then 
stand and watch purely for the pleasure of seeing their eyes get wide as the sugar rush enveloped them.


Take that Nebraska!


Never made sweet tea before you say? Well here's how:


Sweet Tea (makes 2 quarts)
1.
Fill small saucepan 1/2 full of water and bring to a boil.
2.
Remove from burner and immediately drop in 6 regular (3 family) sized tea bags.
   (Never boil tea, it gets bitter) Set aside to steep for five minutes.
3.
Fill your pitcher 1/4 full of cold water.
Add 3/4 sugar, then add the hot tea. (Adding hot tea directly to sugar can make it taste scorched) 
Stir to dissolve sugar then finish filling pitcher with cold water.
4.
Enjoy over ice.

Gasp... Hand Wash Only??

Are you kidding me?


I'm of the school of thought that you toss it in the washer and hope for the best. 
If it doesn't make it through, it wasn't meant to be.


So imagine my horror when I noted my new summer top said hand wash only. 
OMG, it's cotton for goodness sake.


So I tossed it in and hoped for the best. 


I pulled out a wad of cloth two sizes smaller and a handful of beads. 


Are you kidding me?

So mom... Happy Mother's Day, late :-)

So mom... do you think she should have said that 'cause I really don't 
think she should have said that...


Sheesh mom... did you see that hat? I expected her to lift off any moment...


You're right mom... you can never have too much banana cake or 
coke on ice...


Mom rides shotgun when I'm tooling around town. And I'm talking about the "stylin" mom, the "girlfriend" mom you bounce ideas off, the one in a photo from 1940 striding arm-in-arm down the street with her girlfriends, her quirky smile in full bloom, ready to reek havoc on the unsuspecting.


It's usually when I'm deep in thought that she makes a point of speaking up. 
I nod, I smile, I pretend to agree.


I absolutely love to hear her take on things. It gives my life perspective.


You know Kris... if that woman would just stand straight and swing her hips a little she'd look five years younger and ten pounds lighter by the time she reaches the mall door...


You know Kris... every woman has an arsenal. It's not her looks it's her wits. And honey, they can be lethal if need be.


Mom died a few years ago. But she is with me every single day. So when you see that lady next to you at the stoplight who is laughing like crazy or talking to herself. Don't get nervous, it's just me and my mom, ready to reek havoc on the unsuspecting.

Crowd control

So it's Sunday morning and I'm going to get ahead of it today. 


I'm out mowing at 9am (earliest respectable time to do it, right?). Then on to a little gardening when I determine that the rabbits have just about rendered my Hostas nonexistent. 


No problem, I bought some stuff last fall that the garden center guy PROMISED would repel the  critters. 
I just never got around to using it.


I spray the hostas, day lilies, columbine... heck I spray just about every emerging plant I can find. 
And being on the roll that I am I decide to go get some more flowers to plant. 


The place is packed!! 
But as I walk among the bedding plants I notice no one is crowding me. 
In fact are people actually steering clear of me? 
(maybe this would be a good time to mention my allergies have been acting up and I can't smell a thing?)


Lesson learned...
Just why is that rabbit repellent so effective? The main ingredient is Fox urine you say? 
Yes, that awful urine/poop fragrance IS coming from the overspray on my shoes.


Enough said.

Things I found out at Easter dinner

1. 
A convection oven is a marvelous thing if you forget to take the pork roast out of the freezer.


2. 
The cat LOVES pork roast and next time I'll put the leftovers away before 
walking company out to their cars.


3. 
Some kids only like the soft part of the dill pickle spear. (I discovered this after finding 
pickle rinds tucked under dishes when clearing the table.)


4. 
Toddlers LIKE the taste of jellied cranberry sauce, 
but they LOVE the "squish through your fingers" factor.


5. 
Refer to #2 but think deviled eggs.


6. 
There is never enough chocolate covered anything.

Family Meal Rules

I come from a long line of talkers. No, let me amend that... I come from a long line of southern women (same difference). A topic touched upon quite regularly was the evening meal. I thought they were nuts, but over the years I can see they were on to something. 

Here's  my mom in, yep you got it... apron and heels fixing dinner as a newlywed.

1. 
Set the table every night. Knife and spoon on the right, fork on the left. Even if you are just eating leftovers or fast food, it makes the meal important.
2. 
Weeknight meals are those that can be on the table in 30 minutes or less. 
3. 
Why say something out loud if it isn't interesting? That's just a waste of breath. So create interesting conversation. "What happened today that was amazing, gross, exhausting, etc?" and lots of "What would you do ifs ?" 
4. 
Remember it's not just the food that's important. It's the joy of sitting together around the  table, the only distraction being the outrageous comment my mom could always come up with if things got to dull. 


Don't get discouraged, it takes time and a lot a grumpiness till things fall in line.

The Two Dads

Getting my cart at Target Saturday morning I saw two dads with their daughters. 

One coming in and one going out.

Dad 1: 

"Love your boots, Katie. They go great with your hoodie."

Dad 2: 

"Yeah they go great once we found the blue hoodie."

"But hey Sarah, I like your hair back in a band like that, way cool."

Dad 1: 

"Oh man, you should have seen it without the band. 

We couldn't have left the house like that."

This continues as the dads stop traffic in the doorway and the girls 

frantically tug on their hands go make them go.

As I walk away to do my shopping my mind is now 

trying to wrap itself around MY dad in that situation.... 

Nah, that would have been in the 50's. 

That would NEVER have happened :-)