Let's not spell it out.

I admit it. I enjoy eating lunch out. And Mexican cuisine is among my faves.

Chili Colorado, Carnitas Tacos, Albondigas Soup, Potato & Pea Enchilada... obviously I could go on and on. Rarely do I even look at a menu.

Oh but if only I had kept it that way :-0

There are just some words that should NEVER appear on a menu!

Color me neglectful :-0

I know, I know. It's absurd to agonize over head-butting, kneading and the very worst... purring. Constant, incessant, sleep depriving purring.

Believe me this little rescued kitty (5 yrs ago) has more than rescued me. Gave me a good solid excuse for those things I hear go bump in the night. Valiantly hunted and took down moths and spiders on my back porch and provided multiple opportunities for me to discover for myself the best carpet spot remover.

And if he is a tad wakeful around 3 or 4 or 5 in the morning then that's just the cat in him, right? His bowl is empty, he's thirsty, his twirly toy flipped over, he's bored. All valid reasons. But wakeful because he just wants to purr?

Good grief he could be marketed as white noise for government agencies. Get your motor running is his theme song. The bed actually vibrates with the force of his contentment. And if by some miracle that doesn't rouse me then there's always kneading.

A sign of affection, of contentment. The vet says he'll stop after awhile, it makes him happy. (Yes I have discussed this with the vet and yes she looked at me a little odd.) But it makes me crazy and a while can continue into hour two. I know, I've tested. You'd think his little paws would ache (I know my side/arm/neck does).

My bad. The flash woke him. I just feel awful!!!

So tonight I'm going to take out the laser and have him run loops through the hall, stairs and kitchen. Then open the back door for an early evening slot of birdwatching topped off by a sprinkle of catnip on that twirly toy.

Maybe tonight I'll just hear snoring.

A morning without coffee is like sleep.

I am a collector of phrases. Little word episodes that bring to mind a particular feeling, a moment of humor or just some general quirkiness. Granted there are many phrases that get overused to the point 
of ridicule... but the others are just fun to read/hear.


But what do you do with a collection of words? Injecting them into daily conversation is just plain odd. Only I do like to share them as you would a joke or that silly story about some eccentric relative.


So I came up with coffee sleeves. An unexpected venue for random thoughts.  

The Flight {or sitting next to Mr. Techy}

I did as instructed, got to the airport an hour (ok, 45 minutes) early. I looked at the group ahead
and thought not bad, I can see the screeners. Then I scanned to the right and saw the rest of the
line of eager travelers snaking down an area the length of a small shopping mall. I boarded with
ten minutes to spare.

Upon getting settled in my seat I looked up to see a man with a carry-on the size of a small child
making his way down the aisle. Now I don't fly much, but even I know this is a potential problem
and it's headed my way.

After he took the seat opposite me I scoped him out while he gestured to the attendant to "do something" with his bag. He then proceeded to adjust his bluetooth headset, add some noise
canceling headphones, check his smart phone, hook up his MP3 player and ease his seat back.
Use your imagination as to how long it took Mr. Techy to "power off" all electronic devices.

Next came three hipsters, each one earnestly immersed in staring at their phone. I was not the only
one who snickered when the gal in the middle got her purse strap caught on an armrest and harshly yanked back to the real world.

When the pilot introduced himself it took him a couple minutes to remember the name of the co-pilot.
This made sense later when it took him three tries/bumps to lift off the field. What was it that mom
used to say... practice, practice, practice? I was REALLY looking forward to the landing at that point.

After this sterling take off, the worlds tallest man (who happened to be sitting in front of me), decided
to stretch out. I don't care what you say, those seat backs move a lot closer to you when a guy is
bracing his hands and feet as if it is the only way to keep the plane in the air.

The flight progressed and I noticed my seat mate to the left watching a movie on her 15" laptop
while on my right a guy is gaming on his Kindle Fire. Not to be outdone I proceeded to pull out my
iPod Classic and watch "Mr. Monk Buys a House" on my 2" screen.

As we approached Denver we were notified that there was a "little" turbulence and the landing may be a bit rough but not to worry. (This from the practice, practice practice pilot.) Captain Fun made a series of acute turns that easily put the wings perpendicular to the ground. I thought he was going to execute a full barrel roll for a minute, but apparently he thought better of it and settled for some serious fishtailing upon landing.

As I exited the cabin I noticed it was taking two attendants to help the worlds tallest man unclench his hands from the armrests. And I couldn't help but smile as Mr. Techy tried to find where on earth they had jammed his carry-on.

Survival of the fittest has found it's place in air travel.

Neither rain nor snow nor tape dispenser...

I love going to the post office, entering an actual building to send a message instead of 
just hitting ]ENTER[.

And one of the most entertaining places you can be is in line at the Post Office on a Saturday morning.

The line was out the door and snaking into the lobby when I got there. You could hear grumbling, but what caught my ear was the high pitched "oh my goodness" "oh golly" "whoa nellie". 

Peering through the door I could see an elderly woman trying to attach a label on a rather large carton. Folding down the flaps was more aerobic than her frail frame could take. I could sense trouble when I saw her endeavor to lift the industrial size tape gun (upside down) that they had loaned her at 

the window.

I tried to push forward to help, only to be met with "hey, no cutting". As I pointed through the crowd 

toward the woman heads turned like a Rockettes chorus line. The person closest reached out just as the woman pulled out the first strip of tape, deftly fastening her hand to the carton top. Vainly she tried to pull her hand out of the sticky mess only to have the kid next to her (Mr. no cutting) reach out and in helping get his coat sleeve taped.

He looked at the guy next to him for help, who promptly shrugged, stepped up and took the young guy's place in line.

Enough already. As the rest of the crowd surged forward to offer assistance you could hear a voice from the lobby query, "Grandma, are you mailing something?"

Oh good, the calvary. 

Everyone relaxed and stepped aside to let her grandson through. 

Instead, with a whoosh... he slid his package across the floor towards grandma, shouted "I gotta go to work," and left.

That's when teamwork kicked in. Two guys unwrapped grandma's hands. A lady re-taped the flaps and the guy that cut ahead to the window placed her package on the scale. I never saw what happened to her grandson's package.

Post office camaraderie at it's best.

I punched Santa today...

And I am still fired up about it! I turned into an aisle at the hardware store only to sense a large man, 
feel a hand on my arm and hear a leering heh, heh, heh.


I did what any sane woman would do.
I punched him.


A clerk came rushing up the aisle... to assist me? Not this time. As my racing heart slowed both our eyes looked down at my attacker who was now laying across some pricey new LED light strings.


My punch had decked a life-size Santa animatronic. Apparently he was programmed to do The Twist 
and say HO, HO, HO. 


I walked away humming "I am Woman" while the clerk muttered something about crazy shoppers.


Take that, Santa. My holiday spirit is back in full swing!

Is That A Needle?

I am way too old to be chased around the exam room by a nurse with a needle. 


I can laugh with the best of them when regaled with stories of teenage girls hiding under their coats 
or how they had to drag the star athlete out from under the desk by their foot to give college-bound immunizations.


But I gotta say, when the doctor told me a shot would help me get over a sinus infection my immediate response was, "with a needle?"


Now I know where the phrase "slap them silly" began. That is exactly what I wanted to do when I looked over to see the doctor and nurse trying hard to keep straight faces.


It took all my "adultness" to, oh so casually, stand and offer the requested part of my anatomy. 
I waited and waited after she swabbed my skin and then finally belted out "Just do it already!" 


Looking over my shoulder I saw them snickering. It was already done. And I had just become the latest exam room comedy sketch.


Okay... next time they can just chase me.